Seldom were early research subjects asked much about what happened “after.” I found this to be a very special time, as the couples learned to free themselves from the “separation phenomenon,” the tendency either to just cuddle and sleep or to start thinking about the kids, the car, the dog, or the cat. As pointed out earlier, leaving one another quickly, getting our minds on other things, might have helped in prehistoric times. Lingering too long in a sexual experience would make a couple a double-course dinner for a predatory animal. We now have the luxury of pausing awhile, for quite a while if we choose. Once we are aware of the role of contemplation, of sending and receiving signals to our spouse even in silence following physical intimacy, we add an entirely new dimension to our sexual interaction; we find super sex.
“We would look into each other’s eyes. It was strange. I could almost hear him, receive something from his, but we didn’t talk at all. It was like the sex set us up for a whole type of being together that we could never have at other times.” This report from one of the wives illustrates the “contemplative” phase.
“X-rated films always end each scene with ejaculation. You never see them together much after that. It’s a whole different thing to sort of stay with her. I don’t mean to get ready again or anything, I mean to almost relive the sex, even your marriage just by being quiet together.” This husband at five-year follow-up had discovered the importance of “being” instead of “doing” in his sexual experiences with his wife.
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